I can’t believe how two hypnotherapy sessions have had such a positive impact on me. Today’s appointment went really well. We chatted for ten minutes and I told Sam, my hynotherapist, that I’d started a blog and she was over the moon! Once the lights were dimmed and I relaxed in the chair, Sam used positive affirmations to help me feel more upbeat when I wake up in the mornings, to break down my days into manageable parts to alleviate the overwhelming feeling of dread and depression which quickly descends. She also directed my thought processes to assist with weight loss by suggesting I will choose healthy options when deciding what to eat, and that sugary food will be less appealing. In addition, I was encouraged to look forward to the coming weekend (surprise 50th birthday party for hubby; more to follow), to meeting new people and being more confident socialising; and, of course, to continue writing my blog, whether it’s daily, weekly or monthly.
It’s a strange feeling, being in a trance. I was aware of the surroundings, I could hear background noises, but Sam’s tone of voice seemed to reach inside my head. My body was relaxed and I listened, really listened. The first time I’m sure I fell asleep but as soon as she said “one, two three” to bring me back, I opened my eyes. Today, despite trying to ‘stay awake’, I felt myself going under, my conscious attention being brought back at the end with the “one, two, three”.
I’ve never thought about hypnotherapy in the past, but I will not hesitate to go back. We agreed I will take some time to see how I get on, and I will make the next appointment when I feel it necessary. Kind of self monitoring, if you like.
The reason for my positivity over the last couple of days is that I went for my first hypnotherapy session Thursday last week. Amazingly it has lifted my spirit and helped me to be more self aware, rather than let myself be dragged down by that big black heavy cloud of depression.
As I said before, I’ve been depressed for donkeys years. My moods range from being almost happy to feeling so downright low it’s a struggle to get out of bed and function. Hubby leaves at 7am latest, kids are out the door by 7.45am. Then I have seven and a half hours on my own. Long, lonely hours.
Just getting up off the settee, flicking a duster round and hoovering is too much to cope with. I wait until the last knockings before I wash up and clear away, so the family think everything is ok. I feel so down in the dumps I can’t pull myself out of it. The depression pulls me lower and lower. I have no control. My facial muscles ache. My body aches. I have no energy.
Two weeks ago a post on a local Facebook group got my attention. A hypnotherapist promoting her business. Something made me respond and tentatively I went a few days ago. When I arrived I was in the gutter emotionally. We talked, I cried.. a lot, the lights were dimmed and she worked her magic. I think I fell asleep. I don’t remember most of what she said, but I felt much more positive when I left, and that has stayed with me. I have another session booked for tomorrow.
I can’t explain how it works, it just has, at least for the time being. I’m not expecting this high to last, but I’m enjoying it while it’s here.
What a day! Unbearably blistering heat has left me completely wiped out. The day went well with regards the car club; plenty of people turned out despite the temperature and the fact that it’s Father’s Day today. Then again, a car show is probably right up some father’s street.
Personally, I’ve struggled to keep my mood on a even keel today. I was up and out in the marquee at 8am, but by 11am I needed to remove myself, and hid in the caravan for an hour. I couldn’t cope with the number of people, their closeness and the heat. Being alone and quiet for a while, I managed to ground myself enough to carry on, and took regular breaks from thereon.
On the journey home, between 4-7pm, the car thermometer showed 33 degrees Celsius outside! I’m so grateful our car has air conditioning! We’re home now and, of course, the house is stuffy and hot. Poor Cooper (our cockapoo, see yesterday’s entry) suffered today; I kept soaking flannels in cold water and leaving them over his body or head to cool him down. He’s very happy to be home, flaked out on the settee.
I’m waiting for my turn in the shower and then it’s bed for me, so I’ll say goodnight.
So, I woke up this morning feeling enthusiastic about this blogging lark, raring to go, albeit not quite sure in which direction. Is it a diary? In which case how do I go backwards and include ‘stuff’ that happened in the past that lead to me being here today? If I start from today, it’ll become boring pretty quick. So I’ll flit between the past, present and future, just like the ghosts in Charles Dickens’ Scrooge, and ramble on in the only way I know how.
Today, having driven three hours up the motorway, I’m now sat in a field outside our touring caravan, the temperature is soaring and I’m trying to keep cool; not very successfully, but I don’t ‘do‘ hot. I’m here with my family helping to run a ‘National Day’ for the classic car club my husband belongs to. We set up a marquee and fill it with car parts and club regalia ready to sell tomorrow, when the club members turn up in their droves to exhibit their cars and hopefully buy, buy, buy! The volunteer helpers camp overnight tonight and they’re quite a sociable lot. This evening we’ll eat dinner at a local pub where they allow dogs, so Cooper our Cockapoo can come too.
Cooper is named after Sheldon Cooper, a character in the Big Bang Theory. Three years ago when we brought him home at eight weeks old, Kay and Charlie (my children) were hooked on the American soap. They begged for us to get a family dog, even created a slideshow on the computer to explain why it would be beneficial and how they would walk him, feed him and pick up his poo. Yeah right! Who do you think does it? Muggins here, that’s who! Same as when we had guinea pigs; and even the stick insects were left to me. I’m a soft touch, that’s what it is!
My mood is quite chilled at the moment. I wasn’t looking forward to coming here this weekend, I never do. Crowds are a challenge on my dark days, but so far, so good; they’ve got me on an up curve! My blog is keeping me occupied!
I’ve been toying with the idea of creating a personal blog for some time. My ‘sensible head’ asks “who’s going to want to read about you and your rambling head?”, but my ‘slightly unhinged side’ (debatable; could be more than slightly) tells me to stop thinking and get on with it; what’s the worst that could happen?
So here I am… hi! I’m Rachael, I’m married with two children (teenagers) and I live with ‘depression’. You could say there are five members of my family rather than the obvious four I’ve mentioned. I have good days and bad days, which will become evident as time going on, and when the black cloak is blocking the view through my rose-tinted glasses, I can be quite challenging, so I’m told. Although if you ask me, I’m an angel!
I have been diagnosed with ‘just’ depression by my GP, and have been taking anti-depressants for a very long time. A recent life-changing event has given me a proverbial kick up the backside, and I need to change. I want to change. I am going to change; my way of thinking and how I deal with life’s ups and downs. That’s the plan anyway. Today is a good day and I’m feeling positive, let’s do this!